June 2, 2012

without you

I tell my self I can go on without you,
Thing is...I don’t wanna let go,
Anybody else going through this,
I’d tell them to get over it,
I’m in it now,
Worst part is, I been through this shit before,

I don’t know what I’m afraid of,
It’ll be good for me to tell you to fuck yourself,
Not give a fuck anymore,
I mean shit!
I come in, you on your knees with a mouthful of cock!
What the fuck?
and here I am dreaming of you…

Somehow I believe I can’t find anyone better than you,
Fuck,Any whore on the street, got more class than you,
I gotta get away from this filthy fantasy of you,

It’s all bullshit, how do you tell me you love me while you blow me?

“look at me!”

So now you have shit to say?
I mean come on, can you blame me? This aint the first time you done it,
Just the first time I walk in on you ain’t it?
You know what got me, you know what really fucking got me over,
I walk in, when you notice me, you got up, you kept grabbing his cock,
That…I don’t know…I don’t know,I’ll tell you what,

You don’t have to watch while I do this,
You can close your eyes if you want,

But you’re still gonna hear it…

sweet melody

I can dream to the sweet melody of your voice,

I close my eyes when you speak,

Letting my heart listen to the music,

I hear honesty and love,

And I can't get enough,

I could be doing anything,

Yet this is what I yearn for,

this moment,

when you say my name,

from your smile to your eyes,

I take it all in,

And I can't deny,

I feel I can fly,

when I look into your eyes,

I access all that's in me, to tell you how I feel,
even though I'm scared,

Because tomorrow is not guaranteed,

so how do I feed this need?

By telling you how I feel,

by showing you I'm being real...

I...love you

my heart

tomorrow you'll be gone....

I'll only find you in my songs,

ill wake up to empty picture frames,

sunsets wont be the same,

they'll lack,the colors that you sprayed with your presence,

only my poetry will make sense,

I'll miss your laughter,

how will I hear it now?

how can I write about the ever after?

your smile will no longer decorate my days

all this...

the kiss,

the hugs, I imagined

will only remain,

in one place,

a place you reign,

where all this was born,

my heart....

Psycho bitch

So my brother Gaby and I gonna go see a basketball game at his friend’s house,

On our way out, I see this girl waving at me, I think she knows Gaby, she walks up, she is a nice looking girl, takes off her sunglasses, she says her name is psycho bitch, I’m not sure, she says she is doing a fundraiser around the complex, says the more money she raises the more points she gets. If she gets the most points she can win a trip to Hawaii and get fucked for a week,(that’s what I heard)

Anyway she says it has to do with magazines, or some shit. She asks Gaby what he does, he goes "Airforce", I go "nothing", she never looked at me again. Gaby says he is in a hurry, she says it will only take a minute, I think she was on crack,happy crack, everything Gaby and I said was the coolest thing ever, she thought everything Gaby said, was worth fucking for, she even tickled his zipper once.

So 5 minutes after the minute it was supposed to take she says “are you guys into kidnapping or anything?(psycho laugh) Because I really gotta pee, and its hard to concentrate on what I do if I gotta pee you know?”
Gaby shocked me by saying sure! You gotta know Gaby to be surprised, (he said it seemed legit because she had a bottle of water)

So in the apartment she pees, I think, then sets up shop on the counter, says
how it works is, you gotta pick 40 types of magazine you would like reading, Gaby said I gotta go, I can do two, she says she gets points depending on the magazine, so we do 5,
She says “do you mind being stalked or called at 3 in the morning? Can I have your number(psycho laugh).Gaby gives the number she starts filling out shit, then Gaby sees she put him down for three $44 subscriptions, he says it's $44? She goes yeah but it's only one time, Gaby says he thought it was a fundraiser he could donate to, and he would. She says “how else did you think a fundraiser would work? He goes you didn’t start with this, if you had, I would have said no, she goes “I did”

Now it starts getting uncomfortable, he goes "I’m okay", she says “I’m okay too”
Gaby must’ve said no 10 different ways,  I said some shit she didn’t listen to, she shows him all the money she collected from different airmen by blowing them, then he said, I can't afford it,
Then she goes, “wow, being broke is really unattractive”

Now, I exaggerated on some shit, maybe a lot, but she said this, anyway she left after this, Gaby was worried about telling her off inside the apartment because he didn’t know her,  but she stopped after this.

We needed a fucking cigarette after dealing with this girl.

I know

I know she loves me,

I see it in her eyes,

they speak to me,

through them, I can see blue skies,

they listen to me,

through them I realize,

she loves me,

they see through the lies,

she misses me,

I can hear it in her voice,

she laughed with me,

my favorite noise,

even on the phone,

I can hear her smile,

I offer my own,

longing to reconcile,

she paints love all over me,

I know she is pain,

I know she is afraid,

I am too...

June 1, 2012


"I heard a shot"

There were three of them,
A girl and two men,

I only knew the girl,
I seen her around,
Met her downtown,

Today though,
She was unrecognizable,
No light in her eyes,
she passed me by,

The two men,
waited by her car,
I was just getting to the bar,

I heard a shot...
I looked up,

She stood over one of the men,
with a gun, pointed at the second,
It took just a second...

she shot him in the throat,
blood splashed all over her coat,

She got in her car,
I walked out,
people were screaming,
she was looking at me now,

She put the gun in her mouth....

May 30, 2012

so easy to judge

So easy to judge,

Seems like no one judges more than the church going man,
No one else gives a damn,

Maybe they do,
But no one else uses the book to fucking justify it,

Now I never read the book, and all the shit I hear,
Makes me care less,
I rather live it up with queers,
Than change who I am to be “blessed”

Fuck all that,
Where is your heart at?

If God is all they say
Then how is damning true love okay?

How can I be capable of loving more than God?
What the fuck?

God created all men equal?
Yet there has to be separation, man and woman?
What about human beings?
So he created man and woman, not man and man?
How is that the argument here?
I mean I saw passion of the Christ he didn’t say shit about fags,
And when someone quotes some shit in the bible about homosexuality, its always some matthew or some other dude, Jesus didn’t seem to have to many objections, I mean best of my knowledge his dad’s the one that made the list,

In the end its about the book,
I mean is it that hard to believe that someone would play your fears to get you on their side?

I mean if it was me having a problem with two women magically fucking, and I said “that’s wrong”
You say “why?” shit why is it wrong?....

Since the beginning of time, people and fucking me!!! Love being right! So why?

Well because um….God made man and woman!
Because if you love someone truly! With all your heart, and honor them! And give a child that no one else wanted true and deserving love! But you are of the same sex, well, you are going to motherfucking hell!!
No? you don’t believe me? Well…. Then it’s because God said so! That’s why!

Prey on God fearing men!
 Shit if I want something done, are you gonna do it because I tell you? Or because I tell you there are consequences if you don’t?
I read something that bothered me today, and this is me venting, because Jesus said it’d be good for me,
Anyway, I guess I’m judging all of you too,
I love all you racist mother fucking homophobes! Most of you are in my family anyway!

"where am I going?"

Where am I going?
I’m listening…
Inside there’s always a battle,
Mind and heart,
Tearing each other apart,

My mind protecting,
My heart going for it,
My mind in the past,
My heart here and now,

In the end none of them lets go,
can’t let go of the past,
cant let go of what I want now,
my mind lives in what I lived,
my heart for what I want to live
no matter what, my heart accelerates, when I get closer,
I know I’m getting closer, my fear grows,
I ask why, and no one fucking knows,

I know I’m getting there,

Thing is, I still don’t know where I’m going

written by: Frank Hannen-Pantaleon