April 4, 2013

last wish

                                                                                April 3rd 2013

I don’t know when it started, honestly I don’t even know if I was born this way…

One day I walked to the fountain, where many people made wishes, and something different happened.

I mean as a kid my mom would say, “here just take this coin, make a secret wish…kiss it, then throw it in the water”

I was around 5 or 6, yet I didn’t come to know about it until I was 16. I made a wish I instantly regretted, first time, it was a hateful wish, I wished for pain and death to my ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend.
          I went in the water looking for my quarter, wanting to take it back, first coin I touched, I felt something, I saw someone holding a baby, I dropped it, I kept going through, I saw a wedding, different people, I saw graduations, I saw people having sex, It felt so real, like something that I knew was going to happen. It was vivid. I saw a man standing from a wheelchair, I stopped searching.
          The whole thing freaked me out, I didn’t understand it.
Before I got home, I got a call from my ex, telling me her boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident. I had no idea what was coming.
I never wanted to make  another wish again.

          Three years later, I started going back to the fountain,  to face my fear , what happened to me when I touched the coins.
I went at night, I started picking up coins…college graduations, mansions, new cars, twin babies, divorce papers, beautiful women, men in uniform coming home, men in shape, women running.
  I was still scared, but this time I wanted to do something about it.
          So many times I made wishes, and they never happened, then one fucking time, I wish for pain and death, and it comes true. I couldn’t understand it. Now I wanted to help people. What if I was meant to do something with this?
                    What I started realizing was, that whenever I touched a coin, the wish came true, because I believed in it, I started going to the fountain whenever I could. This went on for a week.
       Until I started seeing rape, pain, and death.

People with vengeful wishes, I had to stop, I felt responsible.
I saw it vividly before my eyes, I felt like I caused it, I couldn’t risk it anymore, I tried the week after, and again, abortion, I even saw things I didn’t understand, yet the feeling of disgust...I just  knew it was revenge.
All this took me back to my last wish, I realized these wishes were coming true because I believed in them, I never believed in my wishes, until hatred came and my anger took over.
          Now, I’m thinking can I take the risk again, and control and choose what to believe in?

It’s 12am, I’m at the fountain, looking for a coin filled with anything but hate, yet I want to know if I can do this.

I reach down, and grab a coin and I see….

Written by: Frank Hannen-Pantaleon